TITLE: you're an asshole (but i love you)
WORD COUNT: 3,8k
WARNING: cursing, brief mentions of sexual activities
SUMMARY: Jinyoung had doubted himself for weeks, months even. He hadn’t ever really been sure, never really asked about it. But this message… this simple message saying “He likes you, you idiot” somehow put everything together in his mind.
This… this was the defining text.
Jinyoung had doubted himself for weeks, months even. He hadn’t ever really been sure, never really asked about it. But this message… this simple message saying “He likes you, you idiot” somehow put everything together in his mind.
He doesn’t hesitate for a second before leaving Jaebum’s house with only his phone, keys and slippers.
Jinyoung’s been having the flu for approximately five hours and he’s already so, so tired of it. He’s done with almost ten packs of tissues, his blankets are way too cold and he doesn’t even have ramen in the dorm.
Even Youngjae has abandoned him, deciding it would be better to ‘go and learn with Jaebum-hyung, I’ll stay over at his place, too, take care! Don’t die!’. Jinyoung wishes Youngjae wouldn’t be so cute, if he weren’t, he would probably have already killed him.
Just when Jinyoung has found the most comfortable position – oh my god, he can finally breathe – there’s a knock on his door.
He swears he should just vanish from the face of earth.
“I’m coming!” he coughs, not even chucking the blankets away, just wrapping himself up in a blanket burrito.
He walks unstably to the door, his fingers clammy on the door handle just before he pushes it down and opens it very slowly, coming face to face…. with a complete stranger. Who is holding a pot. And is smiling way too charmingly. And is just really, really cute. Jinyoung must be hallucinating.
“He…llo?” Jinyoung asks.
“Uh, hi,” the stranger answers with an almost unnoticeable accent “I know this may seem really, really weird, but I’ve been trying to study for over an hour in the room next door and I couldn’t concentrate well because I was listening to you cough and sneeze all the time… So I just figured that I’d bring you over some chicken soup.”
Jinyoung just stares at the boy trying to wrap his head around everything the other had just said.
“If I weren’t sick, I’d kiss you as a thanks,” it slips out of his mouth before he can really do anything about it. “Sorry, I’m just really thankful.”
In the end, Jackson – he gets to know the boy’s name during a life and death Mario Cart battle – and him play various games and share the whole pot of chicken soup. Jackson leaves just before midnight, not without wishing Jinyoung to feel better soon though.
The Korean rushes to the busy streets of Seoul, desperately trying to order a cab. But without success. Jinyoung always has had bad luck in his life, but today he won’t let it get the better of him.
Almost three months pass until Jinyoung sees Jackson again – it’s not like he was waiting for anything, really, he just thought that maybe Jackson would visit him once in a while and they’d play video games together again, and for fuck’s sake, Jackson lives next door, at the very least, he hoped for them to bump into each other in the hall or something, but oh well –.
It happens during one of those frat boy parties Jinyoung would rather not attend but Jaebum and Youngjae still drag him to.
He’s sitting alone on the couch, half empty red solo cup in his hand, he hasn’t even had the time to feel even a little bit tipsy, when suddenly a flash of blond hair appears in front of him and he doesn’t even have time then to say hello before the guy places himself on Jinyoung’s lap without saying anything and ere Jinyoung knows it, the boy has closed the space between them and has pressed his lips against Jinyoung’s.
The warmth of the boy’s mouth sends a current through Jinyoung’s body ere he throws his arms around the boy’s neck and loses himself in the boy’s peppermint breath and soft lips. It feels surreal how much he is actually enjoying this.
The blond places his hands on Jinyoung’s waist, closing the space between their bodies even more as he even traces along Jinyoung’s lips, pleading for entrance, which he easily gets granted.
“Sorry,” the boy whispers, his voice husky, his forehead leaning on Jinyoung’s as they part. “I know I came out of nowhere.”
“You could say that,” Jinyoung chuckles. “But, hey, no problem, really, I enjoy making out once in a while too.”
The boy easily shifts himself so that he is sitting next to Jinyoung on the couch now, not on Jinyoung’s lap anymore. Instead, the blond just throws a leg over Jinyoung’s one and looks at him.
“Well, that’s nice to hear,” the boy replies, a wide smile on his face. “It’s nice to see you again though.”
“What?” Jinyoung asks as he scans the boy’s face.
“Oh come on, our dorms are right next to each other and I gave you chicken soup and you don’t even remember me, I feel very offended my friend,” the boy says.
“Jackson?” Jinyoung says, more like asks, with a dumbfounded expression.
“Hey, you do remember me!”
“But you’re blond.”
“The wonders of bleaching and hair dyeing you know,” Jackson laughs, throwing an arm over Jinyoung’s shoulder too. “I was almost butt hurt right there, but who could forget me, really, the master of Mario Kart.”
“Hey, I actually won almost every round,” Jinyoung mumbles.
“Nobody needs to know.”
That’s how Jackson becomes a daily thing for Jinyoung. It doesn’t matter if mornings, afternoons or nights, the both of them see each other once a day. All of their friends becoming one group instead of two – it had been hilarious when Mark and Jaebum met, the both of them having clicked almost instantly, making Youngjae turn into a sulking kid –, Jinyoung even shared his sacred bed with Jackson.
He was the only person, besides Jinyoung, that could lay/sit/do whatever the heck he wanted on it. In return, Jackson let him borrow any snapback Jinyoung wanted.
Jinyoung hadn’t ever been happier.
When Jinyoung is able to hail a cab, he doesn’t think about being polite and just tells the driver to hurry the fuck up if he wants 100 dollars for a 20 dollar trip.
It all gets shaken up though when some funny guy named “Namjoon aka Rap Monster” starts talking to Jackson. And apparently Namjoon is so, so cool that Jackson only talks about him.
It drives Jinyoung insane, makes him want to punch a wall – although Jinyoung has never been one to be aggressive –, makes him want to take Jackson by his collar, push him against the nearest wall, kiss him senseless and tell him that he’s Jinyoung’s.
What a pity that Jinyoung isn’t courageous enough to do that.
(Oh, if he only knew that all that Jackson talks about, in reality, is Jinyoung himself.)
When Jinyoung finally gets out of the cab, he cannot help but look around before he hastily goes into the direction of his dorm, his slippers slowly making it even more difficult to run through the freshly cut grass and newly made paths – his own fault for taking a shortcut, but, yeah, Jackson was worth it.
Said boy looks up to see a pouting Jackson come into his room. Jackson throws his backpack on the ground, looking at Jinyoung as he crashes on Jinyoung’s bed, putting aside Jinyoung’s laptop – which, hey, Jinyoung was using that – and easily getting a hold of Jinyoung’s upper body, making Jinyoung lay down in front of him.
“Just shut up and cuddle with me,” the Chinese grumbles, once again manhandling Jinyoung so that they are now face to face.
“What a nice thing to say,” Jinyoung commented before snuggling more into Jackson.
They stay like that for a while, Jinyoung slowly getting more and more comfortable.
It’s not like they haven’t cuddled before, it became like a daily routine, but they’ve never cuddled this intimate before. Normally, Jackson would just throw an arm and legs on Jinyoung’s and would press him against his body, but now they are literally face to face, almost close enough for their lips to touch.
“Is everything alright?” Jinyoung mumbles, his eyes darting from a side to another.
“Yeah…” Jackson sings, his hands tightening more on Jinyoung’s body. “I just… I just really miss my mom. And my dad. And my brother.”
“Mhm….,” is Jinyoung’s only response.
He stretches out his arm and starts caressing Jackson’s hair lovingly.
“Jinyoung… I….” Jackson starts but doesn’t finish his sentence. “Never mind…”
“What is it?” the Korean asks with a gentle voice.
“Just, thank you,” Jackson breathes out just before he presses a kiss against Jinyoung’s neck, making a shiver run down through said boy’s body.
Jinyoung just snuggles closer to Jackson without saying another word.
The next day Jackson acts like nothing ever happened, once again blabbering about this and that – Namjoon – and easily initiating skinship with their friends, but Jinyoung can see that day, that Jackson’s smile never really reaches his eyes.
Jinyoung opens the door to the dormitories, immediately taking the right to get to the stairs, making it in record time up to the third floor. When he arrives in front of Jackson’s door, he is sweaty, breathing heavily and probably looking the worst he’s ever looked like, but he just pounds on the door regardless.
Jackson and Jinyoung get back to their daily routine. Breakfast together, classes, lunch together, sometimes classes and then hanging out at one of their rooms. Jinyoung loves the way Jackson’s attention seems to be only on him all the time these days.
(If only he knew, that all of Jackson’s attention was his from the beginning.)
It’s Saturday night and Jaebum and Mark – who could have imagined that – are dragging Jackson and him to a party.
Beforehand they had put on, what seems, the skinniest skinny jeans on Jackson, making the Hong Kong native’s ass look even better than it normally did. Mark had also made him put on a black pullover, which hey, Jackson should definitely wear it more often.
When they arrive at the party, it’s already in full swing. They can see the obviously drunk people dancing and talking non-sense to each other, the more sober once preferring to talk in a small room, others are on their way to getting drunk on the dance floor and some have probably already disappeared into one of the rooms.
“Jinyoung, want to get something to drink?” Jackson asks, one of his hands gripping his waist carefully.
“Oh yes, please,” Jinyoung begs.
After they get some drinks – and after like hundredths of people having greeted Jackson, that boy seriously has so many acquaintances – and having talked, some other boy suddenly taps Jackson’s shoulder.
Jackson turns around, his face suddenly contorting into such a happy expression as he greets the person.
“Namjoon!” Jackson exclaims happily.
Namjoon envelopes Jackson in a short hug before both boys return their attention to Jinyoung.
“Jinyoung, this is Namjoon,” Jackson introduces him. “Namjoon, this is Jinyoung.”
“Oh,” Namjoon’s mouth turns into an “o” shape; he then stretches out his hand. “I’ve heard a lot about you from Jackson.”
“Really?” Jinyoung replies with a laugh as he shakes the boy’s hand.
“Yeah, he only talks about y-“Namjoon can’t finish because Jackson clamps his hand over his mouth.
“Hey Namjoon, why don’t we get you a drink?” Jackson giggles. “We’ll be back in a second.”
Jinyoung watches them interact with each other as they get Namjoon’s drink.
They seem to be intimate with each other, skinship coming freely to them – noticeable in the way Jackson’s hand lingers just a bit more than usually on Namjoon’s shoulder or Namjoon presses a bit more into Jackson than it would be normal when a girl accidentally bumps into him – or even the way they seem to talk to each other seems intimate, both of them leaning into each other to whisper into the other’s ears.
The Korean figures that if Jackson can have a flirt, it wouldn’t hurt if Jinyoung finds someone to flirt with, too.
It doesn’t really take long for Jinyoung to find someone he likes. The guy’s name is Minhyuk, he seems athletic and his tan skin is something Jinyoung totally likes, he’s also very intrigued by him because Minhyuk apparently has a sensational taste in books.
“Do you want to dance?” Jinyoung asks mischievously, his hands wandering along Minhyuk’s arm.
“Sure,” the boy responds.
It also doesn’t take long for them to be grinding into each other on the dance floor, although Minhyuk’s hands feel foreign – they are neither as strong or as big as Jackson’s, Jackson’s fingers also being a bit thicker than Minhyuk’s – and he doesn’t smell like cinnamon and fresh made hot cacao, Jinyoung thinks he likes it.
“You’re pretty good at dancing huh?”
That’s all that Minhyuk can say before Jinyoung kisses him, his hand coming up to cup Jinyoung’s face and his other hand tightening around Jinyoung’s waist.
When Jinyoung wakes up the next morning, his head is pounding like crazy and… he’s got an arm around his waist… and he doesn’t know what the actual fuck happened last night.
Minhyuk, thanks god, doesn’t ask for breakfast or a shower, just leaving with a quick peck on Jinyoung’s lips and an “it was fun”.
Once Jinyoung is in his right state of mind, he calls Jaebum, his fingers nervously tapping against his thighs.
“Jinyoung, it is fucking 2 p.m. on a Sunday afternoon, what do you want?” Jaebum barks into the phone.
“What the heck happened last night?” Jinyoung demanded.
He can hear Jaebum sighing into the phone and strange noises coming from the other end, it was probably only Jaebum grumbling as he got up to get of coffee, but still.
“You were a fucking dick, that’s what happened, dude,” Jaebum huffed. “I swear Jackson was about to punch a wall.”
“Uh, care to elaborate that?”
“I’m not sure if you really deserve it.”
“Chill, dude,” Jaebum drawls lazily. “Well, you see, Jackson was worried since he left to get a drink with Namjoon and when he came back like three minutes later, you weren’t there.”
“He basically searched around the whole house for you, but apparently you weren’t there. Since Mark and I hadn’t seen you either, we started to look for you too. And when we finally found you, well…”
“When you found me, what?” Jinyoung demands, getting even more worked up by the second.
“You were basically dry humping on the dance floor with some stranger,” Jaebum responded. “You should have seen Jackson’s face, man he seemed like a hurt puppy. Mark was about to cry from pity, I swear.”
“Oh god, shit, I should have told him that I went away,” Jinyoung mutters nervously.
“Jinyoung, is it really the only thing you should have done? Or to formulate it better, shouldn’t have done?”
“What are you talking about?”
“You still don’t… oh wow,” Jaebum laughs bitterly. “Oh, wow, you’re an idiot.”
“What is it? What did I do?”
“Jinyoung, you figure that one out yourself. This is way too much shit for me to handle this early.”
“Jaebum, hey, what did I-?”
After Jaebum hangs up, Jinyoung only looks at his phone.
What the heck did he do this time?
As soon as the door opens, if it wasn’t for Jinyoung’s foot being in the way, it instantly almost shuts itself close again. He presses the door open carefully not to hurt the person – Jackson – behind it.
When he comes face to face to Jackson, he feels like he’s about to cry.
He plasters Jaebum and Mark for days, asking them what it is that he did wrong, what he did to make Jackson ignore him for well, more than a few minutes.
Jackson was never one to ignore people, even when they did the meanest things accidentally or intentionally he would just pat them on the shoulder and laugh it off, but he’s been giving Jinyoung the cold shoulder for more than a few days, has been running away every time Jinyoung so much as walked in his direction, has been going to his classes later or sometimes earlier than he ever would, just to not cross paths with Jinyoung. It’s driving Jinyoung insane.
Almost a month passes before he corners Jackson in their dorm’s hallway.
Jackson looks skinnier, he looks tired and sad and it breaks Jinyoung’s heart just to see him like that when Jackson is normally so happy go lucky, so positive, so everything Jinyoung has admired in people, the things that made Jinyoung admire Jackson in every aspect.
“Why are you ignoring me?” Jinyoung asks outright.
He doesn’t receive any answer though; Jackson just looks up at him, his brown eyes seemingly mocking Jinyoung. The Hong Kong native just laughs bitterly but doesn’t say a word; instead he just pushes Jinyoung aside and quickly opens his dorm room’s door.
Jinyoung slams his head against the wall.
[16:46] To Jaebum:
“What did I do? Please, just tell me.”
[18:24] From Jaebum:
“Just think about it, Jinyoung. It’s pretty obvious.”
[18:26] To Jaebum:
“I’ve been thinking about it for a month. I don’t know what I did. I cornered him and asked why he was ignoring me. But seeing him from up close once again after a month made me realize how much skinnier he got, how tired he looks and how… how broken he looks like. I am tired of thinking, tired of seeing him like that when I just really want to hug him and protect him from the world, Jaebum, so just tell me what the hell I did wrong, so I can make things better, so I can help him out.”
[18:30] From Jaebum:
“Come to my place. Now.”
He arrives at Jaebum’s place in less than fifteen minutes with only his slippers, phone and keys in hand. Jaebum rushes him in, his phone in his hand as he shushes Jinyoung before he can even speak and gets back to his phone call.
“Mark, in ten minutes, you’ll send Jinyoung the answers per text and–,” Jinyoung can’t hear more of their conversation because Jaebum shoves him into his bedroom and shuts the door.
It takes Jaebum six more minutes to finish up his phone call and drag Jinyoung back into the living room where he places said boy on the couch, a father-like look on his face.
“Listen up, Jinyoung,” he begins; a frown already on his face. “You’ve been my best friend since we were in kindergarten and I love you to death, ok, but dude you are so, so stupid sometimes. I mean, dude.”
“Can you quit insulting me and get to the point?” Jinyoung scoffed, his hands crossing automatically.
“Just let me talk you brat,” Jaebum hisses. “That night, when Jackson saw you with whomever that one guy was, he looked so, so sad. He looked like his fucking world been destroyed, revived and then thrown upside down. I don’t know how you didn’t notice how Jackson felt or what you’re going to do after you find out, but I swear to god, if you fuck with Jackson, or anybody really, like that again, I’m going to kill you with my own hands in less than you can cry for help, understand?”
Just when Jinyoung is about to pipe up and ask him to just seriously get to the point, his phone dings loudly inside of his jogging pants.
“Look at the text,” Jaebum commands.
This… this was the defining text.
Jinyoung had doubted himself for weeks, months even. He hadn’t ever really been sure, never really asked about it. But this message… this simple message only saying “He likes you, you idiot” somehow put everything together in his mind.
He doesn’t say anything as he crashes into Jackson’s body, his arms enveloping the now much skinnier male.
“I am so, so sorry, Jackson, so sorry,” Jinyoung mumbles onto Jackson’s neck, making the other shiver. “If I just… If I just had known, I would have never…–”
The Korean doesn’t have time to finish because of Jackson detaching his limps from his body, the Hong Kong native also taking a step back, his emotions carefully hidden behind a poker face as he looks at Jinyoung.
“What, Jinyoung? You would have never what?” Jackson requested, a bitter laugh leaving his lips. “What would you have never done, huh?”
“I would have never… I would have never slept with another guy, I was just… so jealous of you and Namjoon and I… I thought you two were together and thought that… I may catch your attention or I may make you realize how you feel about me…. I didn’t want this to end up like this,” Jinyoung exclaimed exasperated.
“Oh really? Now you say you like me? What a fucking joke,” Jackson scoffs, taking another step back.
“No, I am not ‘now saying that I like you’,” Jinyoung mimics the other boy. “I’ve fucking liked you since you came in your sweatpants with your horribly good chicken soup and took care of me even when I was a stranger. I’ve liked you since I first laid eyes on you.”
Jackson looks up at Jinyoung with a shell-shocked expression. His eyes watering as he bites his lower lip in an attempt to hold back his tears.
“You took your time to tell me that…” Jackson mumbles, just a bit louder than a whisper. “Took you so fucking long.”
“I know, I am sorry, okay? I’ll do anything to make it up. Jackson, you are so important to me, I… I really don’t want mess this up,” Jinyoung pleads.
“Just fucking kiss me, you idiotic douche,” Jackson mumbles, not even looking directly at Jinyoung.
And well, Jinyoung doesn’t have to be told twice. He easily strides towards Jackson, cups his face and presses his lips gently on the other boy’s ones. It’s not more than a peck before Jinyoung pulls away and plasters his forehead onto Jackson’s.
“I’m very sorry for having hurt you, I’m very thankful for having you and I love you very, very much,” Jinyoung whispers, this time making sure Jackson listens to him.
Jackson doesn’t reply, instead he shows his feelings by once again connecting their lips, this time he’s the one who takes a hold of Jinyoung’s hips and presses both of their bodies close, almost leaving no space between them.
They kiss for a long time, enjoying the feeling of being so close once again. Jinyoung doesn’t really want to let go of Jackson ever again.
“I won’t ever let you go, you understand? You have to live with me for a long time,” Jinyoung jokes once they part again.
“I can live with that,” Jackson smiles.
It feels like the world is back to the way it should be. Jinyoung knows that with Jackson on his side, he doesn’t have anything to worry about. And he thinks, as they lay next to each other, limbs intertwined and their foreheads connected, that maybe Jackson feels so too.